10 Protest Signs to Flatter Any Figure

WHAT UP, NASTY WOMEN!?

On Sunday, I wrote about how much I'm digging the protest fad sweeping the nation. A less-discussed benefit of marching is, well, marching! Guys, walking burns so many calories! Like, at least two calories per minute!

WE ARE GONNA BE SO FIT FOR THE REVOLUTION.

But while we work on marching away those pounds, we want to convince our sisters and brothers that we're already skinny as hell. Here are some signs that will help you hide your problem areas and highlight your BADASS FEMINISM.

All protest signs can be carried to obscure a bloated belly!

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See? Did she eat an entire pizza at 3am? You'll never know.

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To create a slimming effect, draw a more flattering figure than your own on your posterboard.

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But if you really want to take the emphasis off your fat ass, GET GIANT FAKE BOOBS

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Alternatively, you can put the emphasis on your face! But tbh if you want people to listen they'll have to see boobs.

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If you think you're too fugly to be the face of feminism, put a pretty face on your sign!

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Okay, I guess the face of any woman is fine.

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Hide wide hips with hoop skirts!

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You can always lose weight by becoming an ACTUAL CHILD

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If all else fails, just wrap your coat around your body! EASY! But all joking aside, this woman is a fucking KWEEN and I'm sorry that my country of origin can't stop hating people.

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